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 Post subject: Thank You All....
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 4:49 am
Posts: 149
Interesting email:

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose. ( Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot )

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck !

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl ( Penny Brown ) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ' Under God ' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies !

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

_________________
Allupnya


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 Post subject: Re: Thank You All....
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 9:15 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:32 pm
Posts: 1624
I guess I don't count, I only have 7 people I can forward to.





P.S.
I keep my hand on my mouse any time I'm not typing.

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Was the day wasted if nothing was learned?


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 Post subject: Re: Thank You All....
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 1:25 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 5:43 am
Posts: 369
Hmmm., I keep my hand on the mouse as well, and sadly, I do many of the things in the OP mentioned! I thought it was just me and my "germaphobe", but those "rules" I probably could have named off without reading them, The OCD really kicks in for me when it comes to germs! YUCK!!! The purse thing in a public restroom can be solved though, hang your purse over your neck while you balance over that dirty toilet seat! :gaah:


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 Post subject: Re: Thank You All....
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:02 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:20 pm
Posts: 1484
it forgot to mention that it's a snake that comes up out of the toilet and that toilet brushes or anything that touches the toilet water needs to be steralized or anything that touches the floor in bathroom or kitchen needs to be tossed or cleaned within an inch of it's life. the bathroom floor is lava.... i wash it every day but i still feel like it's dirty. i can't use the toothbrush after it's been left out in the toothbrush holder if the toilet has been flushed because of the mist that comes from the toilet when you flush contains fecal matter and germs.. yes i have spare toothbrushes and i have been known to keep my toothbrush in a little carrier. now i keep it in the medicine cabinet on a paper towel. i am anal retentive i know.

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 Post subject: Re: Thank You All....
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:58 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:23 pm
Posts: 846
There is something very alarming about the bit at the bottom...

Quote:
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse


Image

I thought all those doctors were all rounded up by the Mossad years ago.




Ive always read my emails with my hand on my cock tbh.



IN YOUR FACE LARRYVILLE FILTER.

IN YOUR FACE
.

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Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express...


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 Post subject: Re: Thank You All....
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 4:57 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2007 2:39 pm
Posts: 843
Location: Lawrence, KS
Hovering over toilet seats is part of the problem, not part of the solution! You really think I want to clean up "drips" when I go into the ladies room b/c someone actually believes their --- can catch germs from a toilet seat?! Yuck indeed!!

_________________
"In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."


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